The Big 12's Real Top 15 Players in 2014

Venture over to FoxSports.com at some point today and you might find yourself knee deep in a Top 15 list of football players from esteemed CFB guru David Ubben.  The list focuses on players from the Big 12 for this coming year, and Baylor is well represented with a trio of offensive stars, a hearty 20% of a list that covers 10 different teams.  His list without annotations:

1. QB Bryce Petty, Baylor
2. WR/KR Tyler Lockett, KSU
3. DE Ryan Mueller, KSU
4. WR Antwan Goodley, Baylor
5. LB Eric Striker, OU
6. DE Cedric Reed, Texas
7. DE Charles Tapper, OU
8. DT Malcom Brown, Texas
9. OL B.J. Finney, KSU
10. LB Ben Heeney, KU
11. OL That's so Le'Raven Clark, Tech
12. RB Johnathan Gray, Texas
13. DE Devonte Fields, TCU
14. OT Spencer Drango, Baylor
15. S Sam Carter, TCU

Hit the link above for all of his justifications/thoughts on why he chose some players and omitted others.  Though the CFB twitterverse reacted as it is wont with selective outrage at the glaring omissions of probably dozens of players that clearly belonged on this list, Ubben, and that you just left off because you're a hater, it's as good a look as you're going to get at this point in time at how the conference as a whole stacks up.

Still, I disagree wholeheartedly with it, reject it as heresy, and submit the following as the real Top 15 players in the Big 12 in 2014.  Let this be the list against which all others are judged.

The Big 12's Real Top 15 Players in 2014:

1. P Spencer Roth, Baylor

Real power isn't just being big, strong, fast, or unbelievably talented.  Real power is being so good at what you do that your own coaches won't let you do it for fear that it might rip this plane of existence asunder.  During the Manhattan Project, the story goes that some of the scientists involved with creating the atomic bomb were afraid that the reaction they unleashed might vaporize the entire atmosphere, ending all life as we know it.  Our coaches feel the same way about Spencer Roth's punting ability, which is why we only punted 38 times in 13 games last season.

2. TE Tre'Von Armstead, Baylor

The first time I saw Armstead go over the middle in practice, the impact was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.  I may or may not have posted him here out of fear of imminent bodily harm should I not.

3. DE Shawn Oakman, Baylor

Only 4 TFL in 8 Big 12 games, Ubben? I fear all you have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.  Thanks!

Seriously, though.  He's 6-9 and weighs 275 pounds.  Goodluckwithallthat, Big 12 tackles.

4. QB Bryce Petty, Baylor

Might throw for 7000 yards, 70 TDs, and -4 interceptions this coming season.

5. WR Tyler Lockett, KSU

What? He's good, ok.  Real respect real.

6. OL LaQuan McGowan, Baylor

Reportedly turned down a chance to star as Gregor Clegane in HBO's Game of Thrones because it would have required overseas travel, and McMountain doesn't do planes.  I may have made that last part up completely.

7. WR Antwan Goodley, Baylor

He's a bowling ball playing football fueled by hatred of opposing DBs.  Might have actually killed WVU's safety on Lache Seastrunk's long TD run.

8.  DE Shawn Oakman, Baylor

It's been too long since I said his name on the blog.

9.  QB Clint Trickett, WVU

Say his name three times in a mirror, and he will appear.  Then he will throw a floating interception off his back foot.

10. DT Andrew Billings, Baylor

Today's Video Daily Double:

/bzzzzz "What is, oh my Lord, did that really just happen?"

11. NB Collin Brence, Baylor

How could you make a list extolling Snyder's unbelievable walk-on powers and not include Collin Brence?  Little is known about him.  Some say he was raised by wolves outside of Plano, Texas.  Others say there are no wolves outside of Plano, Texas.  The controversy swirls to this day.

12. RB Devshodrick Chafwood, Baylor

Probably leads the world in rushing if he existed not in my dreams.

13. CB Xavien Howard, Baylor

HIS NAME IS XAVIEN.  That's awesome on its own.  Plus, I'm fairly sure Briles thinks his name is Xavier, which might even be better.  We have a defensive backfield with a Xavien and an Orion.  They play behind a guy named Aiavion  You can't do that on accident. Want your son to play for Baylor?  Pick a name from Lord of the Rings like Aragorn or one of the starships from Star Trek like Excelsior.

14. WR Corey Coleman, Baylor

Still not targeting.

15. S Ahmad Dixon, Baylor

Just because Ahmad coming back to play again might be the thing that finally drives Gary Patterson's head to explode in a rain of righteous indignation and blatant hypocrisy.

16. QB Davis Webb, Tech

Ha, just kidding.  That one is for all the Tech fans freaking out that Ubben didn't put Webb on the list.

Honorable Mention:

This Guy, Baylor:

Has "player" written all over him.