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Baylor Announces LaQuan McGowan as 2015 Starting Quarterback

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Move over, Clarence Beeftank, there's a new sheriff in town.

Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

In a stunning move timed for today of all days, Baylor Head Coach Art Briles tweeted* the following about a quarterback battle that many assumed a done deal in favor of junior Seth Russell:

Not so fast, my friends.  It seems that Baylor, building off the amazing success of the surprise play in the 2015 Cotton Bowl that made former MSU DC and new Pitt HC Pat Narduzzi doubt existence, has decided to construct the Death Star of college offenses and hand the reins over rising senior G/TE/LST LaQuan McGowan.  McGowan, as you probably know, is a 6-7, 410-pound lefty from Amarillo that showed some aptitude throwing the ball in the Instagram video from last week that took the nation by storm.  His rise from seldom-used guard to dynamic receiving threat to internet sensation to now starting QB for #AmericasTopOffense has been nothing short of meteoric.

When reached for comment this morning, one of the Brileses (it's impossible to tell which at this point) was quoted saying:

Without question, when we sat down as a staff to figure out how to take This Thing to the Next Level, we knew we needed a quarterback capable of doing things nobody's ever done before.  We knew we had to turn to the Big Man, without question.  We'd be Fools not to utilize that kind of talent.  We're Dreaming Big.  We're Dreaming Baylor.

In a follow-up question relating to the offense as a whole, whichever Briles answered:

If we had 11 McGowans that could play all at once, we'd do it, without question.  You never know what medical science will do next now that they're using polio to kill cancer.  Did you see that 60 Minutes report?  That's #reality.

Reality, indeed.  I have a number of questions about this move, including:

  • Will anyone believe this?
  • Has football gone too far?
  • What does this mean for Brian Nance?

Only time will tell how things play out, and the only thing clear at this point is that records (weight and otherwise) will fall once again.

*He did not.  We made that. Seriously.