On Wednesday, FOX Sports’ Bruce Feldman released his annual Freaks List, which ranks the most eyepopping athletes in the country that play the American sport of American college football. This always makes for good fodder in the vast desert that is the college football offseason. In prior years, Baylor players such as Laquan McGowan and Bryce Petty have littered the list. Robert Griffin III was included two years in a row when highlighting his exploits as a quarterback who doubled as a Olympic caliber hurdler (pour one out for them knee ligaments). Lache Seastrunk’s appearance on the list spawned the greatest Kaz Kazadi quote ever: "Hand times are for your mama. Your mama don’t work here."
Yet it was disappointing to open the 2016 list and not see a single Baylor player included. This is a complete travashamockery. A freaks list without a Baylor Bear is like a bowl of chips without queso. An 80’s band without a synthesizer. An OrangeBloods post that doesn’t mention Baylor… I think you get the idea. So I’ve come up with a list of Bears that should have been included if Mr. Feldman just would have been paying attention.
KD has been going at full speed from the jump ever since he stepped on campus at Baylor in 2014. And his full speed is faster than your full speed. Cannon instantly established himself as one of the most dangerous downfield weapons in the country in his true freshman season, making people take notice of his abilities. NFL.com has listed him as the 5th fastest player in all of college football and last season named him "College Football’s Most Explosive Player". KD even ran track at Baylor in 2015, helping the Bears reach the NCAA Championships in the 4x100 relay. Might as well start calling him Jimmy John’s because the man is freaky fast.
Coming out of high school, Lynch was a nationally ranked recruit as an athlete, wide receiver, and safety depending on which recruiting service you prefer for your wealth of knowledge as it pertains to 16 and 17 year old kids playing sports. But to be a guy who is able to play multiple positions and be really ridiculously good at all of them? At 6’3 and with locks flowing like Fabio in a tremendous gale, Blake Lynch could be the O.G. of the new class of freaks in the Baylor football program.
You’ve seen this man throw beautiful bombs downfield for touchdown. You’ve seen him glide past hopeless defenders in the open field. But Seth Russell said in an post-workout interview with ESPN Central Texas the other day that he is clocking 4.4 in the 40 yard dash right now. REMINDER: This is a man who had neck surgery all of 8 months ago. Cast doubt on that 40 time if you must, but Seth has levels of freak that we have yet to see. Unleash the freak within, young Seth.
Rodoni is a true freshman long snapper from Los Banos, CA. Now we all know that Baylor is #DeepSnapperU with Jon Weeks and Jimmy Landes both killin it in the NFL but what makes this particular long snapper worthy of freak status? Well for one, his first name is Thor. NO REALLY. THE MAN’S DADGUM NAME IS THOR. MANY LESSER MEN HAVE DOLLIED AROUND WITH THOR AS A CUTE LITTLE NICKNAME BUT THOR RODONI WEARS IT LIKE A BADGE OF FREAKING HONOR. YOU CANNOT HAVE A FREAK LIST WITHOUT A MAN NAMED THOR. (I literally know nothing else about this dude but one does not simply leave out a living breathing Thor).
Chip and Joanna Gaines
Hey, nobody said this had to just be a list of football playing freaks. We got us a local couple that do some freaky awesome things when it comes to fixin’ up houses. Whether it be busting down an unwanted interior wall or livening up that old kitchen space, Chip and Jojo always come through in the clutch. On top of the show, they created an entity that ENTICES HOARDS OF PEOPLE TO COME FROM MILES AWAY TO SPEND TIME IN DOWNTOWN WACO. And the fact that they manage to star in a super popular HGTV show and raise four children at the same dang time? Freak status: On fleek.
Joy and Lady
There was nothing in Bruce’s list that said that this freak list had to be limited to mere human beings. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.