Baylor Is Going To Be Good, Actually

Hey Gang,

I’ve got a few hours to kill today so the team here at Our Daily Bears gave me a small soapbox to stand on to tell you what’s what. The Baylor Bears are going to be good this year. I’m not talking moral victory over Kansas good- they are going to be Actually Good ™️.

Baylor is set to field potentially the best defensive 11 in school history (yep, even better than 2019) if we can avoid a few injuries this year. The always knowledgeable Travis Roeder did an outstanding preview of the team so this isn’t going to be that. What I am going to do is let you know how many asses are about to be kicked be these guys.

Jalen Pitre and Terrel Bernard have a chance to both earn All-America honors this year, and are going to absolutely ruin the afternoon of several running backs this year. Apu Ika doesn’t give a dang (Editor’s Note: it did not say “dang”) if you put three dudes on him—he has been collecting infinity stones all summer and is going to wipe out half of every offensive line he sees. Kalon Barnes was the fastest high schooler in America a few years back, and after having to play one-handed last year he is going to partner with Raleigh Texada to ruin half a dozen afternoons in Waco.

I don’t know how else to say this—Baylor’s defense will be good enough to keep them in every game this year if they stay healthy.

On offense, we recently announced that future NFL HOF Outside Linebacker Gerry Bohanon will be taking snaps under center this year. Gerry was the crown jewel of Baylor’s recruiting class a few years back and is going to run through about 50 jabronies before breaking a sweat this season.

Behind Gerry, we have a ridiculously deep running back room including my large adult son Trestan Ebner, Sqwirl Williams, and the Toughest Man On The Planet, Abram Smith. All three of these players have the ability to ruin your day, but putting them in a wide zone offense where they will be able to sit behind the offensive line and wait for holes to open up will give lots of fans flashbacks of Shock Linwood absolutely refusing to fall down circa 2014.

At wide out, expect RJ Sneed to once again make catches that he has no business catching and Tyquan Thornton to run right the hell past dudes all fall. Partner that with Josh Fleeks crushing the morale of any poor linebacker he gets matched up with, and this Baylor offense has a chance to really make some noise.

Chuck Brewer and Zach Smith got the sense (EN: me again) knocked out of them for a few seasons, and I won’t ever slander any player that willingly got their rear-end (EN: sorry) handed to them for four years, but what I will say is the Baylor QB room is in it’s best position in over half a decade. If we can find a way to put up 21-24 points a game there is no reason why we can’t sniff 9 or 10 wins this fall.

I’m excited man—last year sucked and I know the players are ready to beat a team not from the state of Kansas for the first time in a while. I don’t know if we play for a Big 12 championship this season, but we have the players and the scheme to hand out several whoopings in the coming Saturdays.

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Now that we got that out of the way, let me just remind y’all that we sent those dude from Gonzaga home crying with lukewarm champagne and bad (EN: while true…) mustaches lmao could you even imagine what that feels like? Not me, no way.

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Anyway, I can’t wait to see how Baylor matches up against the two Great ™️ teams in the Big 12 this fall, and if history is any indicator, don’t expect Dave Aranda to let the Sooners come to Waco and hang 63 on us. There’s a team about a 100 miles south that might get that treatment, but not this squad.

Personally, I’m excited to see if Iowa State can find a way to win 10 games for the first time in recorded human history, but I won’t hold my breath.

Anyway, that’s all I got. I’ll probably Dip The Pen a few more times this fall, but for now I’m going to find a few more embarrassing stats for my friends down in Austin. Before I go, here’s my favorite one: Vince Young is still to this day the most recent 1st round offensive draft pick out of the University of Texas. That’s right gang, its been 15 years since someone played offense in Austin and heard their name called in the first round of the NFL draft. Imagine that.

Never Stop Sic’ing Them,

Evan