Couldn’t Be Me Recap: Week 3???

Helloooooooooooooo Baylor Nation!

We are now officially BACK in business playing football and stuff and it feels good. Weird, but good. We played a great game, more on that later. But some of the haters and losers (of which there are many) did not. Let’s discuss.

Kansas

As mentioned previously, there will be a spot in the Couldn’t Be Me reserved for Kansas every week that they play. Either for them because they are as bad as bad gets or for any opponent they mess around and beat because there is no excuse for losing to a team that is as bad as bad gets.

Through a couple interesting twists of fate (read: COVID diagnoses) this ended up being the first game of the Dave Aranda era at Baylor and it’s been an unprecedented offseason so folks were understandably nervous about potentially embarrassing ourselves. I mean we’ve seen our team drop openers to Liberty. We’re TRAUMATIZED. I talk big *%^! about other teams losing to Kansas as a side job. I can’t have US losing to Kansas.

But fortunately, Baylor is the only Texas Big 12 team that has not lost to Kansas since 2016 and that streak continues.

The game wasn’t that pretty for Baylor but that can be excused because these are unprecedented times, it was our first game, and this is my article and I do what I want. Let’s talk about Trestan Ebner.

THAT BOY GOOD! He got awarded a single-digit jersey number this offseason and he showed part of the reason why in the opener.

Other stuff happened in this game too but it doesn't really matter just know that Kansas still stinks and we don’t cause it Couldn’t Be Me. Dave Aranda has never lost a game as a head coach. Let’s boogie.

This one’s for you, Karen. Rest In Peace.

LSU

Speaking of Dave Aranda. Interesting developments at his previous employer.

Their defense is TERRIBLE.

They had someone named <checks notes> KJ Costello out there breaking SEC records. Joe Burrow had the greatest season of all time with one of the best WR groups I’ve ever seen and even HE didn’t throw for as many yards in a single game as this KJ Costello person.

Usually that wouldn’t earn a place in my recap but Coach O earned it.

Couldn't be me.

Texas Tech

Thanks for nothing, losers.

Texas your day is coming. I’m watching you. Waiting. As patiently as necessary. The longer you make me wait the worse it’ll be. But you know what’s coming for you. You’ve always known.

Couldn't Be Me.

Georgia Southern

As a Baylor fan it warms my petty heart to see a small school from Georgia whose primary school color is blue lose on an improbable attempt at the final buzzer. It’s not quite the retribution I want for Georgia State’s crimes but it’ll do for now.

Also I’m a Raging Cajuns stan account now because, as you may remember, they beat the Iowa State Cyclones in a football game earlier this year.

Also side note we had quite a few #collegekickers knocking em in from 50+ this weekend.

Gotta be tough losing because a college kid made a field goal that long against you in crunch time.

Couldn’t Be Me.

TCU

TCU and Iowa State played each other this week. As you all know, I despise Iowa State. I really do. Don’t ask me why, it doesn’t matter why. Screw em, that’s why.

Most Baylor fans hate TCU and I’m no exception so this was an exciting matchup for ya boy. Not for me to like...actually watch or anything because I love myself and there was actual good football on at the time. But for Couldn’t Be Me purposes this was a slam dunk. And both teams delivered.

TCU lost which is ALWAYS spectacular news but also Brock Purdy did this:

So I win! Absolute poverty on both sides! Couldn’t be me!

Oklahoma

It’s been a long, hard year. The times? Unprecedented. The masks? Mandated. The distance? Social. The virus? Viral. The depression? Seasonal.

But nevertheless, it’s a blessing to still be here making it day by day and some things are returning to normal and it feels good. The weather is cooling down. Pumpkin spice is back in Starbucks. Candy Corn is back wherever you buy Candy Corn. Texans fans are calling for Bill O’Brien to be fired. And Kansas State is beating Oklahoma in embarrassing upsets. It really does feel like Fall now.

This one was special too. OU really had us fooled for a moment.

People were comparing Spencer Rattler to Patrick Mahomes. You know, the guy winning Super Bowls and MVPs and stuff in the NFL right now that was breaking records and stuff at Texas Tech. That dude. Spencer Rattler is supposed to be as good as him already as a redshirt freshman.

And then he got to halftime against a Kansas State defense missing a bunch of players in the secondary and he just...stopped being good. And so did OU’s defense.

And so they blew a 28-7 lead at home against Kansas State. A Kansas State team that lost to Arkansas State in Manhattan a couple weeks ago and then wasn’t even sure they could play this week.

How do you do that? How are you the 3rd ranked team in the country and blow a lead like that at home to some proven scrubs? How do you let 85th-year Senior Skylar Thompson slice and dice you through the air and on the ground?

By being a big fat fraud, that's how. Lincoln Riley be tricking y’all, man. He got 3 ready-made transfer quarterbacks and drew up a couple nice screen passes and reverses for em and convinced you he knew how to develop talent. But when the lights get bright and backsides get tight WHAT DOES HE DO? HE STINKS IT UP. TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

I can’t wait for Dave Aranda’s defense to do what Matt Rhule’s couldn’t and expose him and that program for their lies! Couldn’t be me.

See you next week!