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March Couldn’t Be Me-dness Round 1 Recap

There are 32 teams still in the NCAA tournament. Imagine not being 1 of them.

Baylor v Syracuse Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images

Welcome back to March Couldn’t Be Me-dness where we will be chronicling the heartbreak of millions during every round of the NCAA tournament. A tournament Baylor, as of this writing, is still in. Some other folks, wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Let’s get in to it.

New Mexico State (but also lowkey Auburn)

Usually I wouldn’t knock a 12-seed from the WAC for losing to a 5-seed from the SEC by 1 point. Usually. But New Mexico State found a way to get there. Did you see this game? Lemme tell you about the end of this game.

Auburn is up 2 points. There’s 6 seconds left.

New Mexico St gets the ball and their point guard runs straight from one end of the court to the other, unimpeded, all the way to the basket for an easy lay up to tie the game and probably force overtime. Easy money, right?

Wrong. He passes out of the paint to a player on the wing for a contested 3 pointer.

Easy money for Auburn now, right?

Wrong. Auburn player fouls the 3 point shooter. Remember Auburn is only up 2.

Easy money for New Mexico St. again, right?

Wrong. Dude misses 2 of the 3 free throws, including the last one. Auburn is still up one, getting a rebound ends the game. NOW it’s easy money for Auburn, right? Certainly. It has to be. There’s nothing else that can happen now. Just get the rebound and survive and advance.

Wrong. They don’t get the rebound. They knock it out of bounds. New Mexico St. ball down 1 with time for a shot. Not only did they get a shot, they got a great shot. A wide open shot. This is it, right? One shining moment playing in everybody’s head. Here it comes. Right here. Right now.

Air ball.

Auburn wins.

Nobody should feel good about it but it’s over now and dear god both of those teams Couldn’t Be Me.


Marquette, another 5-seed, got BLOOOOOOOWED UP by Ja Morant and Murray State.

I don’t know much of anything about Marquette other than that Dwyane Wade went there back in the day and that they let this happen to them.

I also know they gave up the 9th triple double in NCAA Tournament history to that dude. And they lost by 19 points to a Not A State State University.

Couldn’t Be Me.

Kansas State

Kansas State won a share of the Big 12 this year. How wonderful for them. Sharing a trophy with Texas Tech is something we all aspire to I’m sure. They earned a 4 seed off the strength of their conference win and apparently that was enough for them to call it a season cause they came out here and stunk up the joint against <checks notes> UC Irvine.

That’s right. Not historical power UCLA. Not major conference school you’ve heard of before UC Berkley (Cal). A DIFFERENT school from the UC system. One whose mascot is the Anteaters. One who had NEVER won an NCAA Tournament game before. A 13 seed.

They came out here and beat Kansas State.

I mean I understand Kansas State was missing a great player. But still, it was all good just a week ago.

And now look at cha. Well, I won’t be looking at cha, cause your season is over after the first round of the NCAA tournament in 2019. I don’t know how that feels but I know it Couldn’t Be Me.

Iowa State

Look. I’m gonna be honest.

Y’all don’t read these because I offer great basketball analysis. and I have none to offer here. I didn’t watch 6-seed Iowa State play 11-seed Ohio State. I couldn’t name a single Ohio State player if you threatened to shoot me right now. I’d just take my L and make my peace with the Lord.

I don’t know what happened in this game. I don’t know why it happened. I don’t care to watch highlights of what happened. I don’t need what happened explained to me. Only one thing about this game matters.

Iowa State lost in the first round AGAIN.


<deep breaths>



#BringMeTheButton and let’s get ready for Round 2!