Baylor Football Coach Hiring Notes: October 2016

2017 Coaching Class | National Rank: 128 |Commits: 1 InterimLegendary HC Eric Taylor

Apparently Fictional HC Eric Taylor

2017 Wishlist:

Offensive Prospects:

HC: Lee Fedora (75% UNC, 20% Baylor, 5% Notre Dame)
OC: Lane Kiffin (75% Bama, 20% Fresno State, 2% Notre Dame (how funny would that be) ,2% Baylor (please nah)
HC: Kliff Kingsbury (60% Texas Tech, 35% GQ, 5% Baylor)
OC: Kyndal Briles (90% Wherever dad goes, 10% how mad would this make everyone)
HC: Chad Morris (75% First bus out of town to a better job, 25% First bus out of town next year)
QB: Nick Florence (100% My Heart Forever, tell me he wouldn't be the best <3)
OC: Lincoln Riley (60% OU, 30% Texas Tech, 10% Baylor- remember OU's offense before him, those were the days)
OC: Sterlin Gilbert (25% Texas (can he stay after the HC leaves, asking for a friend?),25% Texas Tech, 25% Purdue (how would the fans react to scoring is a major concern), 25% Falls in love with Austin, quits football, learns to live off the land)

Defensive Prospects:

HC: Charlie Strong (52% UT, 30% LSU, 14% Notre Dame 4% BU)
HC: Les Miles (50% Purdue, 25% Arkansas, 10% Texas, 10% Notre Dame, 3% Baylor, 2% A farm where he can chew grass without judgment from this cruel world.)
DC: Phil Bennett (This is the one where Baylor fans and the media would be mad)
DC: IDK whoever Bama's DC is? That always works out right Georgia? (100% Some dumb SEC school)
HC: Jim Grobe (56% BU, 44% Retirement at a lake house with Grant Teaff)
HC: PJ Fleck (25% Western Michigan, 25% Baylor, 25% Purdue, 10% LSU, 10% Notre Dame, 5% An Actual, Real Life Boat)
DC: Charlie Strong (get you a coach who can do neither)

Coaches Removed (who will not come to Baylor):

HC Nick Saban (Alabama, why? Give me one reason why?), HC Art Briles (Undecided, except for duh he's not coming to Baylor, we fired him very recently, you, your blackout and your sources can't change that fact), HC Tom Herman (He's already signed a contract with Texas don't you read the news?), HC Dabo Swinney (Clemson, I mean seriously what coaches do you know that make moves to worse programs voluntarily), HC Urban Meyer (Ohio State, sincerely how do you think career decisions work), HC: Jim Harbaugh (Michigan, You don't quit CEO at Google to go work as a partner at local accounting firm), HC Phil Montgomery (Tulsa, this is like when you message an ex on Facebook because you missed high school, it's probably best if we just moved on from the whole thing), HC Dino Babers (Syracuse, Listen, the guy didn't have to work for Briles to run a fun offense), HC Kirk Ferentz (Iowa, Keep cashing those checks Kirk), HC Jay Gruden (Oh man, I'd be so mad. He'd probably spit on RGIII's statue), HC Mack Brown (ESPN, and living his best life) , HC Chip Kelly (Oregon), Sign The We Are Going to Win Sign (Apparently it is a sign with no ability to coach football)

I know this list looks like it's just a bunch of the top coaches who Baylor fantasizes of, and that's exactly what it is. This list will change through the season. It's the list of coaches who could come to Baylor and not make me surprised. (Also this is a parody, if you're angry just like don't recommend it or something, preferably no hateful comments or anything like that. Credit to: Matt McBeezy for the inspiration with his wonderful recruiting thread.)


10/26: If anyone sees anything about a blog or tweet, PLEASE comment it on this article. Those sources are always 100% accurate, and I can't always find the truth.


10/26: Created October Hiring Thread

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