The offseason is rough. And if you're like me, you end up pondering strange things with folks you know...like Big 12 Coaches as Disney Characters. Yeah. Buckle up.
Big 12 Coaches As Disney Characters
TGCAB: Davy Crockett
At the risk of beating this horse to death, may I present this piece?
Kliff Kingsbury: Prince Charming
Coach Bro is just like Prince Charming: attractive and (to be honest) pretty boring. And that's about all he's got. Bless his heart.
Charlie Strong: Bernard from The Rescuers
Both Bernard and Strong have this thing about turtlenecks. Furthermore, Bernard works to rescue children from malicious adults. Strong is working to rescue the Stronghorns. (I mean...Longhorns.)
Gary Patterson: Roz from Monsters Inc.
This actually sparked quite the twitter debate.
Roz is unreasonably irritable about 90% of the time, and emits a slimy substance when she slithers about the company. She also has this thing about purple (specifically fuchsia). GP has all of these qualities as well, except he secretes ridiculous amounts of sweat. Also, GP is the anthropomorphic analog of Roz; all he needs is the beautymark and the lipstick and he'd be Roz. Really.
Matthew Tennant Note: I still maintain that he is Ursula. So salty.
Dana Holgorson: Kaa, The Jungle Book
Neither one of them needs any more Red Bull. Let's be real.
Bill Snyder: Carl from UP
He's commanded the Snydercats for so long now it feels like forever. Carl is a crotchety old man who learns a Life Lesson, and Snyder is a crotchety old man who teaches Football Life Lessons. They're not that different, really.
Bob Stoops: Stinky Pete from Toy Story 2
Stinky Pete sat on a dime store shelf for years and years, which turned him into a bitter old man. Based on his previous season (especially The Great Bowl Game Debacle and the rout of his Sooners by Baylor AT HOME), Stoops is beginning to fall from grace. Let's just hope he doesn't turn into a bitter old man like Stinky Pete.
Mike Gundy: Porcupine from Fox and the Hound
Really, the resemblance is uncanny. Need I say more?
David Beatty: Kevin from UP
They both really like to clap. It's obvious.
Paul Rhoads: Meeko from Pocahontas
Meeko loves to eat blackberries and corn and biscuits. There's a ton of corn in the Midwest. Boom.
There you have it.
As always, thanks for reading! Hang in there, football is getting closer with every day that passes!