Monday DBR: There Are No Baylor Sports Today

The Daily Bear

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That's all folks.

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Oh alright, I'll make something up.

10. December 2055

22:00 CST

Waco, Texas

Tomorrow is the day. The hated Aggies of Texas A&M are hosted by the mighty Bears of Baylor in the annual Battle of the Brazos. Older readers of this tale will remember a day when that school down Highway 6 spurned their long time conference mates and left for the Southeastern Conference, once considered to be the most powerful football conference in the land, now a defunct wasteland ruined by the maleficent bag men and their illicit dealings. The Aggies came limping back to their old conference mates, ruined by years of poor showings under the Swagcopter-toting coach. Graciously, the Big 12 allowed A&M to return. After all, the taste of victory over the Aggies was an almost-forgotten but much sought-after taste.

With the return of the second-oldest major university in Texas to its geographically-correct conference came renewed rivalries. Of course, the Thanksgiving tradition of the two schools South of Baylor battling it out was viewed and enjoyed by many, but it was the Brazos River rivalry that captured the attention of the great state of Texas.

The freshman, all four thousand of them, form a ring around campus, each holding a slender stick covered in green and gold. Armed with Aggie Sticks, the freshman will stand diligently throughout the night to prevent any farmers from causing mischief on Baylor's beautiful campus.

11. December 2055

19:00

Waco, Texas

Game time. The freshman, having successfully defeated any attempts to deface the campus, are decked out in their Line jerseys and are raring to rush the field in the decades old tradition of running onto the field before the football team. President and Chancellor Conner Morris emerges from the mass of gold standing astride two hulking black bears. Morris has one golden armor-clad boot in the saddle of each bear, the rest of his heroic looking figure clad in similarly lustrous armor that shined brighter than Baylor's helmets when they destroyed West Virginia many moons ago. Seymour and Griffin, the two fearsome mascots, reared their heads back in unison and let rip a massive roar that echoed throughout the stadium. Upon the signal from the President and Chancellor's gilded waffle iron, the Line spread across the field like a wave of gold.

Two minutes left in the fourth quarter and the Bears are down by seven. Head coach Kendal Briles calls a timeout to get his players' minds right. Star quarterback and Heisman hopeful Kal Hubbard has had a phenomenal evening - five touchdowns and nearly 600 yards, but the Aggies offense under their new head coach, Junior Saban, could not be contained even by Phil, Jr.'s big D.

The Bears offense took the field for the final drive. Center Robert Steele lined up over the ball, ready to snap the ball and smash the sorry nose guard wearing the ugly maroon get-up. Hubbard took the ball in shotgun from Baylor's 20-yard line and rolled out to his right. Steele pancaked the nose guard and hustled over to pick up the safety who was barreling down on his quarterback. Hubbard saw the hungry eyes of the safety locked on to him and was bracing for impact when he heard the thwack of Steele leveling the assailant. He could always count on the big man. The mental clock was ticking down, Hubbard knew he needed to get rid of the ball, but the maroon swarm couldn't be penetrated. Then, tight end Xavier Hinton came streaking across the center of the field. Hubbard threw a Brett Favre-esque bullet between two Aggie linemen and into the waiting arms of the big tight end.

Two seconds left and the Bears were on the two-yard line. Kendal Briles was racking his brains trying to figure out a play to run. Suddenly, he had it. "Bring me the bears."

The 70,000 in attendance fell silent as Seymour and Griffin ran onto the field. Surely these mascots couldn't be playing?! Slowly, the fans began to realize that Briles' antics were serious and the noise level grew to painful levels. Hubbard lined under Steele, the two bears lined up in a split back set. The Aggies and the refs alike were looking around in confusion, but the refs knew that Baylor was not technically breaking any rules, so they were forced to let the play carry on.

Hubbard snapped the ball and dropped back. Everything was moving in slow motion around him. The Aggie defenders advanced, the fans wrung their hands, and the bears charged. Seymour and Griffin rumbled straight ahead past Hubbard, who hopped on to Seymour and rode into the trenches. A&M defenders fled from the path of the fearsome beasts, who carried their quarterback into the endzone for the winning touchdown. The Aggies were felled and all Texans save the Aggies rejoiced at the brilliance of Briles the Younger. Hubbard continued riding Seymour around the stadium as fans flooded down from the stands. Griffin climbed the goal post and stood atop the cross member, roaring for all to hear. The Aggies slink back to the awful "city" and Baylor Nations revels into the night. Beating aggy is always a cause for celebration.

Ubben Owns Texas

Why 'Baylor sucks' is a big problem for Texas - FSSW

Go read this. It's great.