Dear Mr. Coach Art Briles,
I am writing to you about one of your kids, Lache Seastrunk. I have only gotten glimpses of him, but have found those glimpses to be intriguing, to say the least. I know that to see more of him, I’ll need to get your approval first, which is the reason I am writing you today.
Let me be clear, I am not even beginning to suggest that I know more about this team, or football in general, than you do. Similar to what Vesper Lynd said to James Bond, if all that were left of you was your smile and your little finger, you’d still be a better football coach than any I have known as a Baylor student or alumnus.* I would never be so presumptuous as to give you instructions on how to run your team. A piece of constructive criticism or preference every now and again? Sure. But I’d never be so bold as to make demands.
*I know, I know, you’re much more of a Texan Sean Connery James Bond than a Daniel Craig.
But, this Lache guy...he’s incredible. I know you are aware of this, being much closer (both physically, socially, and pretty much every other way) to him than I. We in the younger generation have grown up playing football video games wherein you can make a player go faster by hitting the "Turbo" button. Lache doesn’t have a Turbo button; he has a Fast Forward button. Or perhaps it’s a Slow Motion for everybody else on the field. I’m not quite sure.
And that is why I am writing you – there’s just so much about Lache that I don’t know. I know that whether I get to see more of him is up to you, so I am writing you to request that you allow it. I know that he’s not perfect. I know that he is a work in progress that is under your tutelage. I’m not asking for you to release him into the wild to potentially be fed to the wolves.
I’d just like to see a little bit more of him, if it’s alright with you. Four times in two weeks is nice, but now I’m hooked and need more. I definitely can’t go back to a Lache-free existence and last week’s one chance to see him was as close to that dreadful scenario as I want to get again. Maybe we could start slowly? Maybe we could see each other 5 times next week? And then see if it turns into something more? Truthfully, I know that Lache wants me to see him, too. I’m guessing that you weren’t pleased with how he went about expressing it, but how much of a flaw is it really for one of your kids to feel that they’re ready for more responsibility? Whether they are ready is, of course, up to you, but I don’t view it as a fault that he thinks he is ready.
I know it’s always hard to see your kids go into risky situations. But I think the time has come to ease into it. It’s time to start to FreeLache!
I anxiously await your response.
Warmest and best regards,
PS - If you could pass on a note to Lache for me, could you let him know I'll be in a shirt that resembles the one below.